Tuesday, September 1, 2009

To the writers I follow:

Totally irrelevant, but this is the first blog entry to COSA18 that is being typed on a laptop. I am so trendy that I think I need to start letting my creativity flow within Starbucks walls. After all, writing doesn't count unless it was written in the vicinity of a 'Buck. I wonder if the label 'written in Starbucks' is common? Is there any way to look up labels, oh knowledgeable bloggers? Blogspot already makes it so difficult to find other blogs as far as I can tell, so I doubt it.

This entry is about the kinds of blogs I like to follow in the rare case that I find one pertaining to my personal interests. I hope this doesn't offend anyone because it really isn't written to. I mean it in the best of ways, you'll see. Just stick with me to the end without getting cranky and hopefully you'll understand.

My life is complex and downright depressing. Honestly, I have every reason in the world to be a suicidal person on the brink of actually going through with it (not that 'attempted suicide' bullshit, but that's another topic for another day). Against many odds, I am still here. I may not paint this picture for my readers 24/7, but my life could truly be a bad Lifetime movie about a drugged out immediate family, an addiction to self-mutilation, and the sexual and mental abuse I've suffered from peers. Life hasn't exactly been a party.

The life I lead and the lives I help are enough drama for my plate. It may sound mean, but I have no desire to recreationally hear about other people's lives that mirror daytime soap operas. Of course I would always be willing to help someone suffering no matter what, but I wouldn't normally go out of my way to read a blog about someone depressed or with an unfortunate life. I feel for you, I can't just don't want to handle it.

To help you understand the types of blogs I do enjoy, I have created a list of three basic categories:

  • Normal teenage girl, usually a year or so younger than me (I haven't found many people my exact age or a little older that are interesting enough to follow), but not so young that it's creepy. From what I gather within their writing, they lead a fairly average, normal life with appropriate teenage female drama- nothing intense like what I've experienced.
  • Young adult women so plain it could kill. Not anyone particularly popular or lonely, very average and happy. They listen to mainstream music, watch popular tv shows, write about their feelings that they don't let completely tear their lives apart, and sometimes complain about their large workload of college homework. Despite being so average, they are not a dime a dozen. While many women can have these common qualities, for me to follow them with this category in mind they have to be creative.
  • Young, hip moms or family-based blogs typically ring-led by the mother. Ironically with this category, I don't care if their kids have issues like a mental illness or physical disability, just as long as the writer themselves don't so I don't have to read about personal melo-drama. (Postpartum depression? No thanks.) It's not saddening to me because it's something they can't control, and these moms are strong women who cope with it so well that it doesn't even seem like coping. (I have a good feeling that it's not once you're a mother, something I admire.) They love their kids dearly and show it by scrapbooking, photographing, and writing about everything their children do on a daily basis. I eat it up to the point that it could be labeled as a guilty pleasure, but I'll proudly admit any day that I'm fascinated by these strong, close-knit families.

 These categories all have a few things in common. For obvious starters, they're all women. Following male-written blogs frightens me because I know that I would comment their entries casually and possibly get creepy emails from them later. Keep in mind though that this excludes the rare gay man that's so femenine you can hardly tell they're a man anyway. The fact that they'd have no sexual interest in me, were they to start up a private conversation, is a plus too.

Another trend they all carry is that they are very normal. Remember that there is a difference between boring and normal. Normal is also relative to who's saying it. In this case, normal to me means "without overly dramatic problems or obstacles to overcome". If I wanted to read about a cutter who dated girls during prime time puberty (even though she's not gay), I'd pick up an old journal.

So once these so normal women get out of college and have started their career, they've usually found a man. What's next? Well, I haven't found any intriguing blogs about happy newlyweds without kids-although that would be of interest to me as well-so I read about them once they have babies or have at least gotten pregnant. Very, very normal. Almost dullingly normal.

It's probably a good thing that I put a disclaimer of sorts at the beginning of this entry, because it sounds way more insulting than intended. The fear that this odd explanation would hurts others has kept me from writing it until the wee hours of this Tuesday morning, but reading newly discovered blogs makes me want to shout my reasons for interest even more than before.

To those I follow (for the most part), we all have one thing in common for sure- we're all women. Something differs though, something I envy. They live happy lives without trying too hard (and if you're faking it you're doing a great job, honestly you could probably be as happy as you perceive yourself to be if you tried just a little). I wish my life could be cookie-cutter, that's all I want with little more for my future family and personal life. My career may be loud and abraisive, but only because that's the field I'm going in to. If I am blessed with a husband and beautiful children (I truly hope I am, but I cannot selfishly wish for more than I deserve), I shall do my very best to preserve their innocence and shelter them from the unnecessary harsh realities of the world. My children deserve to live better lives than I have, and even if they contribute absolutely nothing to the world I'll love them all the same as if they won Nobel Peace Prizes. Perhaps that's just the protective pre-motherhood instinct kicking in already. "My kid can kick sand your kid's eyes, but they're still angels and will be treated and loved as so!" Not that I'd raise them to be hellions or anything, all jokes aside.

I'll repeat my point again so it's clear. If I have followed your blog, don't be offended by this. I'm not much of a person that matters-yet-but be flattered because I truly envy what you share with Blogspot about your life. It may be fake, or a small piece of your life, but it makes me happy and I enjoy it so much that I spend days at a time just absorbing what you write. Jealousy stings at me bitterly, begging to take over my emotions. A large part of me wishes I could be like you, either in the past or in the future, depending on your age.

One thing will never change. Our stories are our own, and to someone, they will bring joy.

(Please keep in mind this does not go for everyone I have followed/will follow.)

(Also, typos/grammatical errors may exist. I am very tired and have edited this multiple times already, but may have skipped over some things. I will re-check in the morning.)


Taren said...

"I am so trendy that I think I need to start letting my creativity flow within Starbucks walls." best. line. ever.

I like to think i fit into the second category, although... i do vent about dating WAY to much, which may be a tad depressing... sometimes.

You are a really good writer. You got the skills. Keep it up!

Alexis! said...

Haha, thank you :) My dad and I always joke about how if we're going to write, it better be inside a Starbucks. In reality I've only once, EVER, used a laptop inside a Starbucks, and it wasn't even mine lol. I didn't write either, I just BSed with my brother all day on iChat (I was mesmerized by it back then, lol.)

I'm starting to follow a wider range of people actually, since I wrote this. I'll never follow someone totally depressing complete with pictures of their cut up arms, but part of being normal is having normal hatreds for things, like dating =p

Thank you!!