I am grateful

     Today, I am grateful for many things. My wonderful dad often reminds me to always be grateful every day, to the extent that we sometimes play the "grateful game" which listing three out-of-the-ordinary things we're grateful for that day. You should try it, even if you play alone you end up feeling great.

     At the moment, I'm in-between studying for my driving test and checking out VolunteerMatch.com to find organizations I can offer my time. I'm bookmarking the ones I think need my help the most, and I just bookmarked my first. This particular cause is called Starlight Children's Foundation, an organization that gives seriously ill children days of genuine fun where they can be around other children hooked up to oxygen tanks, bound to wheelchairs, etc., just like they are.

     I can already foresee what my dad will say, "You don't think that'll depress you?" Honestly, I don't. Even if it does, does it matter in the bigger picture? It amazes me and makes me very happy that even though I have already made the decision to dedicate my life to benefit others through humiliation and lack of privacy, my dad still puts me first and cares about my well-being. That's not even a question worth pondering in my opinion, because my possible depression has no place in comparison to what these children and their families are going through already. Really, what's the hardest thing I could go through- watch them suffer? They're the ones with the possibility of actually dying prematurely. Considering how it could negatively affect my life when I am a completely stable person would be one of the most selfish things I could ever do. My point is, I wouldn't call an already depressed person selfish for not helping these children if they obviously have an existing problem of their own to deal with.

     Back to my point, thinking of these kids really reminded me of what I'm grateful for. I'll list all the things I can think of right now, even if it turns into a short novel's length.

1. I am grateful my dad and his girlfriend have job's, considering the state our country is in right now. My biological mother may not pay child support like she's supposed to, but we live well below our means-like all people should-regardless.
2. I am grateful we live in a home and not just a house.
3. I am grateful for an amazing President, and that America really let change be possible.
4. I am grateful for my dad in general, simply for being an amazing father and role model. If I had a hero, it would be you Daddy. Before I was even born you have always put me, and later on Kirk, first and foremost even when it meant sacrificing things you personally cared about. You have truly shown me how noble and brave it is to care for others first, no matter the personal cost. You have proven to me that life is worth living in humiliation and without privacy for the greater good, and I plan to take that so many steps further. Thank you for giving me the confidence, courage, and stability to sacrifice myself. Thank you for never leaving us.
5. I am grateful for my dad's girlfriend, Lisa, for being a mom to Kirk when he has lacked one for the majority of his life, and in some people's opinions, still does.
6. Ironically, I am grateful for my biological mother too, also named Lisa. I could be a smartass and say thank you for showing me such a fucked up life and for giving me a story to tell, but no. Even if I wanted to say that, that's not what I'm most grateful for in relation to you. Thank you for bringing me into this world and giving me life, even if you rarely take part in it. I have learned that I should be grateful for that at least, instead of focusing all my attention on the negative things about our relationship. Although you've called me a mistake before, thank you for never considering abortion.
7. I am grateful for my mom Stephanie. You have taught me so much about life and patiently took part in raising me from a very young age. Things I'm glad you've taught me (listing because I am astounded at how much you've taught me even though we have never lived together): 1. About love and relationships. 2. About absent biological parents, and how sometimes we just have to accept people the way they are because we will only ever have one biological family. 3. How to drive. 4. About corporate America. 5. How to clean make-up brushes. 6. How to use word count in Microsoft Word. 7. How to tolerate others. 8. How to get a variety of things for free. 9. How to be confident enough to speak up with something is wrong, like bad food service or an attitude from a company employee. 10. How to give speeches, and so much more.
8. I am grateful for the show Roseanne, for keeping me together through my darkest days.
9. I am grateful to have money for nice clothes.
10. I am grateful for my dog Kauvuo.
11. I am grateful for my "true friends". I have many friends, but today I have spent a lot of time with a few of those that are "real". Bianca: Thank you for listening to me "Adderall ramble" for three hours this afternoon, and looking at all my old photos with me. That really means so much, especially now. Dave: Thank you for coming over tonight and chilling with me in my driveway for two hours. You've one of the best friends I'm ever going to have, I have nothing more to say than that.
12. I am grateful for random "I love you" or "I miss you" texts from my real friends. Single texts like those make up for every twenty selfish texts I get from my "friends".
13. I am grateful that my real friends and I can tell each other we love each other without it being creepy or judged.
14. I am grateful for Narcotics Anonymous and my sponsor. I need to call her.
15. I am grateful for my aunt Stacey, my uncle (might as well be) Luke, and my baby cousin Royal. I am also grateful Stacey made my hair gorgeous a few weeks ago, haha.
16. Why is this so far down on the list? My mind works weird. I am grateful for my amazing brother Kirk, and that I have time right now to help him with his homework even if he hates me for being so strict.
17. I am grateful for my gecko Pinsky, and that he is gaining weight.
18. I am grateful that I will be able to go to college/university. I am grateful that I have the money and support to go and get a Ph.D.
19. I am grateful for my life of misfortune, without these events I could not relate with the rest of the world that needs my help.
20. Surprisingly, I am grateful to be an addict to self-mutilation.
21. I am grateful I felt GOD for the first time in my life yesterday. I am also grateful for the person that was God for me in that moment. Everything you said was true, He does appear in many forms. A pet, an event, a person. I hope I can be God for others too.
22. I am grateful I can write, and comprehend my language, even if I'm not perfect.
23. I am grateful for a large chest, because it doesn't make me look as fat as I really am. Silly, but true.
24. I am grateful I graduated so early because it gave me time to get my life together, and now do things that benefit the world, such as volunteering.
25. I am grateful I do not have H1N1 again, and that I did not die previously.
26. I am grateful for ADT.
27. I am grateful for my Blackberry, even though I've dropped it in the toilet, dried it out, and sometimes get frustrated with it.
28. I am grateful for my iPod Touch because I did not need it, and yet my mom got it for me anyway.
29. I am grateful that I can find it within myself to still want to love others even after so much heartbreak, and having been molested on two occasions.
30. I am grateful tattoos exist, and that guys look hot with them, haha.
31. I am grateful for medication, especially Adderall. Without it I could not be the complete person I was meant to be.
32. I am grateful for To Write Love On Her Arms, even if they've irritated me for so long because of my jealousy. I am grateful they discuss that self mutilation can be an addiction.
33. I am grateful for Self Mutilators Anonymous, for trying to educate the world on self mutilation addiction.
34. I am grateful my downtown library offers free workshops for all sorts of interests.

     Most of all, I am grateful for life. More specifically, I am grateful to be alive today, and well. I know that very easily life could have slipped away from me in the past on multiple occasions.