Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The sad thing is.. that I cannot afford to get upset because a "certain someone" will freak out on me. God forbid I ever speak my own mind, God forbid I ever open my mouth and tell people how I feel as a release so I don't hurt myself. My intentions aren't to make anyone feel guilty or to say "Hey you, listen to me or I'll cut myself", but if you're talking breaks why don't you throw one my way while you're at it? Depression, anger, and sadness are all a lot harder to deal with when you're carrying around an addiction 24/7—THERE ARE NO BREAKS—that's constantly ready to pop it's head out and start screaming.

It absolutely enrages me when people make comments about me doing "nothing". Last time I checked I'm not just sitting around doing "nothing". While it may seem like it to you because you're a forty-something year old woman/man/alien stuck in a rut of an unproductive life, cut me some slack and remember I'm only seventeen years old. I think I'm entitled to a break once in a while, just like you, but don't be pissed that I'm actually getting one. I can't even buy cigarettes, how can you possibly expect it from me to be saving the world in a red cape? Can we talk about how fair that is? I'm not one of the lucky ones that's been struck with young fame, so there is only so much I can do.

I'm here as a vessel, but I'm not here for you to take out your anger and frustrations on me. I am a PERSON, a human trying to be human so I can show you how to live happier! I'm sacrificing my life so people like you can waste yours on trivial experiences that you don't even appreciate enough to thank me, and others like me. Why do you do this to me? What did I EVER do to you?

You know who you are, and your numbers are more than one.

Edit 09/16/09 6:03PM: Sometimes all it takes is for my sponsor to listen to me like no one else will to save my day.

No relapse exists here. 

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