Friday, September 11, 2009

Charles Bukowski

"If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery--isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is." - Charles Bukowski
When I got home from shopping tonight, I sat down at my dad's laptop in the dining room like I have grown accustomed to using lately. I was still logged in, but a window was open that I hadn't opened. It was a webpage of quotes, with one highlighted. That is what you read above.
My dad obviously highlighted this, but I am thinking he is hint-dropping for me to read it because I was still logged in. He's crazy about always being personally logged in to use his laptop (he likes his synced Outlook, etc), so he must have looked it up logged in as me for a reason.
This quote, whether directed towards me or not, gives me strength to go all the way. I'll tell anyone that'll listen: I don't know how, or what degrees I need to do it, but I'm going to write self help books, specializing in self mutilation. I plan on educating the world that it can become an addiction, which is something you can't completely overcome. I want to be a spokeswoman on this subject.
As a saint, I will be alone with the Gods one day.
We will laugh at my suffering, because of all the good it's done.
Thank you for making me feel like an angel.


Pixie said...

Your blog is so deep and thought-provoking! First time I clicked on it, Blogger gave me a little notification: "Adult content notice". I foolishly thought "Oh.. One of THOSE blogs", but it wasn't one of those blogs at all. You have the kind of way of writing that really hits home and makes yours stands out against all other blogs, especially because of the subjects you write about. My best friend tried to kill herself a number of times, but her body never wanted her to go, because it fought off every single overdose she took. Then one time, at my house as well, she did something horrible, and I found her just in time. It was the most scary thing in the world, so I'll be religiously reading your blog, because the things you talk about are rather important to me :)
Oh, and you deserve more followers x

Anonymous said...

You are an Angel to many people. You were given your life to become who you are and where you are going. Your life has, and will continue to help others. Thank you Angel!

Alexis! said...

Pixie: Thank you so much! I try to get people's brains turning. :)The only reason I have the warning up is because of curse words (some people don't appreciate them) and occasional talk of sex. I just wouldn't want someone to stumble upon it at work and get in trouble, or fired.

I'm glad you found your friend in time to save her life, a friend has done that for me in the past and I'll never forget it. She never will either. :)

Thank you, once again :)

Anonymous 9/11 7:56am: Thank you :)

Taren said...

LOVE that quote.

Alexis! said...

Me too :) It's been constantly on my mind since last night.