Saturday, September 26, 2009

What it's like to love on Adderall

     When I first started taking Adderall a few months ago, my best friend—or so I'd still like to consider her—told me to remember something very important. She advised, "While taking it you may feel like you want to talk to everyone, people you normally wouldn't. People you don't like, people that don't like you, maybe even your ex's. You need to control yourself and not talk to them no matter how much of a good idea it sounds like."
     Within the first few days on the medication I knew exactly what she was talking about. Perfect example, I had an urge to text my first serious boyfriend to tell him that I saw someone that looked just like him—which I really did—but I knew deep down underneath the "medication happiness" that I wouldn't normally even consider doing that, and that he really didn't care. (See here for what he thinks of me.)

     Besides talking to crazy ex's though that obviously hate me, I'm starting to believe there's no reason to not take advantage of the confidence Adderall gives me to speak to people I have problems with. So what if they don't get anything out of it and tell me to piss off? I know I'm doing something positive that makes me feel good, and most importantly it will make some others feel good, the ones that don't lash back at me immaturely. I have to remind myself that I'm not taking Adderall recreationally, I'm taking it because without it I'm not the complete person I was meant to be. Therefore, if I was born "normal" without any disorders like ADD/ADHD, I would be this happy, outgoing, forgiving, loving person that I know I was meant to be.
     As you can probably tell, I am having one of those days where I feel like everyone wants to talk to me, even people that hate me. People that I have "bad shit" with. People that I don't even like. Can you really criticize me though for wanting to tell everyone in the world they are loved? Regardless of whatever they have done, and expect no repentance in return?

You are loved, I love you.


Dedicated to my friend, the one I mentioned in the beginning.
(She and me on my birthday at Rainforest Cafe.)