Monday, August 31, 2009

Lessons in Suffering

"I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness and the willingness to remain vulnerable." - Anne Morrow Lindbergh


Finally a quote that sums it up better than I ever could. For so long I have been emptily telling the suffering why they aren't learning such obvious lessons, and instructions on how to do so. I had no concrete answer that I blurted out at first thought they might not understand the concept. I began to believe it was just something you learned and had no explanation for, and only a lucky- no, aware, few truly understood.

“That's the way things come clear. All of a sudden. And then you realize how obvious they've been all along.” - Madeleine L'Engle


I feel like many people want to learn lessons from their suffering, but stop after the mourning process and let it consume them. I'll explain it in the tense that as an observer I can relate to the best- a romantic relationship. I've seen so many people crumble under the intense misery of a break-up. They refuse to try and understand any of what went wrong or why the relationship might have ended. They want nothing to do with trying to understand that this happens to all people. Parting from a relationship in any way leaves most feeling like they'll never find someone else, but only because they lack the patience to wait for another relationship opportunity to come along. Some take this very seriously to the point of obsession while for most it is more of a joke and just announce that they'll never find someone else out of loneliness. Regardless, the combination of these factors can make people very closed off and unwilling to look beyond the moment they're living in.

I've witnessed many try to swear off their preference of gender forever in fear of getting hurt again. "God forbid I suffer once more, without gaining anything from it.", I bet they ponder. While they may not understand or even mentally create the concept of the latter [without gaining anything from it], they know for sure they don't want to suffer without reward. Who would? Still, it's unhealthy to try and stop something so human such as love for fellow man. In the end you'll only hurt more, and more than likely feel silly. We must open up and become vulnerable once more, even if it is our biggest fear, for us to love again. We will suffer again, but we will learn again.


“When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable.” - Madeleine L'Engle


The suffering can receive any and all kinds of help though, but one thing remains the same. No matter what happens, positive or negative, they will not learn or grow until they decide they want to. There are few situations where you can truly want something and be completely unsure on how to obtain it- this is not one of them. If you want to learn from your suffering, there are so many tools readily available to assist you. A book, a website, a knowledgeable friend or parent.

It doesn't matter who or where you are, there are no reasonable excuses for being an adult and not learning lessons from suffering.

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