On Where I've Been & Where I'm Going

     I haven’t been around COSA18 as much these past few days because I’ve been so swamped with preparations for Jonathan’s arrival tomorrow. Typing this, I can hardly believe I said “tomorrow” with truth to it. It seems more unreal than his existence, what a double positive to bewilder me with.
     I’ve always thought “You could’ve knocked me over with a feather!” was a silly line that I would never utter, though now that I can relate, it doesn’t seem half bad, not half bad at all. That’s one of the many things I love most about Jonathan; somehow, beneath every horrid memory and hardening of my being, he shines light onto what I thought was lost forever, buried with the wretched until the end of my ticking clock, until my pilot light eventually did flicker out eternally into darkness. Now I love things because I love them, without rhyme or reason, whether I understand it or not. He is my science, or at least, my scientific enlightening on love and loss.
     As if magically, even the loss is positive. I wonder if anyone else grasped or even considered the possibility? Well at this point, recent events of my bidding wouldn’t have been possible without such a grandeur view of life.
     And that, he is.

The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it. John 1:5