An unwelcomed ex floats back into my life.. Pt. 2

I haven't had many light-hearted posts lately because I haven't been "blogging" lately. I like to consider what I've posted to COSA18 recently to be "essays". Not essays in the sense of dreaded college homework, but essays in the sense that philosophers, professors, and scientists refer to long explanations or opinions on a predetermined topic. I hold neither of those three professions—although I suppose "philosopher" is self-proclaimed—but I still consider my work to be worthy of that titling. In the very least, I dream it will be one day.

Tonight I began mapping out a long entry, but it was a personal rant rather than something beneficial to you besides the possibility of my drama being entertaining in its obscurity. Likely, it would have caused problems were it posted tonight like planned. Normally I could care less, because if something I write has to do with someone else, it has to do with me too. (I don't just talk shit about people for amusement and entertainment.) However, when it comes to my family I muster up sensitivity. The creation of COSA18 helped me realize that although all personal experiences will eventually be exploited, there is a time and a place for personal stories to be shared and sometimes that exploitation countdown clock isn't ticking towards "right now". So for now I will keep my mouth shut about things that could harm others.

A while back I wrote about an ex-boyfriend—we'll give him the fake name Jacob for confidentiality, others mentioned later on will have fake names as well—who floated back into my life unexpectedly and demanded I return a video game to him. Like I said before, a video game, really? He just turned nineteen and he may be a guy, but I believe there are way more important things to be doing with one's time, like school, friendships, or even my least favorite, relationships. I've played quite a few RPGs in my day, but the intensity someone would have to feel to create a new Myspace just to harass their ex-girlfriend they broke up with and cheated on to get a now $15 video game returned bewilders me.* Who does that!? Anyway, I told him to buzz off when I got the message, and haven't heard from him since besides a standard follow-up "you suck Alexis, I hate you" message before he deleted his hours old Myspace.

* I played the MMORPG Everquest 2 for a few years and quit as best in my class on my server. Even more impressive, my server was the largest of the game’s. Pretty cool fact about me, even though it was a complete waste of time.

A few days ago I was cleaning out my room at my dad's house and  I confronted the lousy reality that I needed to clean all my DVD/video game cases and get them all safely back to their original homes. (A task that is still unfinished, having seasons of Roseanne and The Cosby Show has become a huge nuisance on my life, especially when all the disks from a season are the same exact color.) I was popping open Gamecube cases absentmindedly when all of a sudden there Link was, staring me back in the face with his slanted anime eyes. The precious little green dress-wearing man that Jacob couldn't live to see another day without harassing me without.

You know, funny story about Twilight Princess. Unless my memory fails me—it isn’t—I purchased, or technically my dad purchased, that game when it first came out at around $50-60 for part of Jacob’s Valentine's Day present. Does anyone else find this a bit odd, or is it just me? What kind of jackass does it take to cheat on someone, and not just by making out with someone else which wouldn't have even been that big of a deal, but no, to sleep with some random fourteen year old freshman that has horrible conceptual tattoos and crusty facial piercings (bringing that up was immature but it's true), break up with their current girlfriend that is of appropriate age (not really relevant, but still, he was almost eighteen), and then come crawling around years later like the repulsive slimeball they are and ask for a Valentine's Day present to be returned? That would of course be my first serious boyfriend Jacob. Woe. Is. Me.

I don't believe in karma even though I find the quote "my karma ran over your dogma" ridiculously clever, but if it exists and I'm believing in the wrong thing, perhaps this is it— The whole reason Jacob and I ever dated is because I went after him so fiercely that I'm surprised I didn't grow a dorsal fin in my pursuit. Samantha, my ex-girlfriend of two years, and I had just broken up because of a lot of typical high school drama, but the final straw was when she told me she was going to keep dating me, but pursue Jacob in hopes of having a chance. Smartly, I ended our relationship, but as part of being a spiteful fourteen year old, to get back at her I went after Jacob in psuedo-infatuation. How he missed the signs of my insincerity are astounding—in one instance I cornered him after class and bluntly asked "So are we ever going to be together or am I just wasting time?", which is very untypical of girls that actually like the person they're querying—but somehow he did. It didn't take but a week or two, and I had him. Over a short amount time I grew to like him, and eventually love him.

I think my problem is that with Jacob and Samantha is that I got into relationships with them before I liked them. I grew to love them because it was easy, which wasn't fair to me or either of them. Since then I've broken free of that potentially harmful habit, and the reward was love that is incomparable. Nowadays I have zero compulsion to talk to Jacob or Samatha, but when it comes to my most recent ex-boyfriend Rodger, I would call him right now if I could.* Of course that could just be because my memories of Rodger are of greater lucidity than Jacob or Samantha, but I like to believe that it's because I willingly fell in love with Rodger—something I always reminded him of to assure him he was special—because it makes me feel human, soft, emotional, and all those other adjectives that men like to use to describe their tender woman with.

*Of course I could technically, I know he'd answer without a doubt. I've actually had to tell him multiple times to leave me alone. I meant "if I could" in the sense that it's not within my personal boundaries to allow that to happen, therefore it cannot.

It'd be pretty difficult to get the game back to him considering he deleted his Myspace and exists on no other social networking website. I have a phone number but I'm not sure if it's still the same, and I'm not going to go out of my way to find out so I can have an overall unpleasant experience by seeing his ratty face again. Besides, I bought it and even though it was a gift, that's too old school for this chick to abide by. I happily proclaimed in real excitement when I found it, "Someone's going to be having fun as Link tonight!"