I don't believe in "don't worry, be happy"

     My entire life I've been advised to always "be happy" with what I have and not complain. Occasionally over the years I've wondered, what about when you don't like what you have, or you want more? Both are perfectly normal desires. No God, government, fellow human, etc., has any right to say you should ignore those emotions as if you don't have them. (If you want something, go get it.) Why should anyone express false gratitude for something they don't like, or settle for something when they know they could obtain better? I see sense in that to a degree. If you receive a sweater you don't favor from your grandmother for holiday, you should probably smile through it and pretend you love it because it's not going to affect your day or life. Personally though, if I'm not satisfied with something that affects my day-to-day, I'm going to change it—not try, big difference—so I am beyond satisfied.

     I do my best to not complain while I do so, and I think I do a pretty damn good job of not. Although I'm made fun of for it—big surprise—I do not typically speak of things that bother me if I believe a conversation about it won't result in a solution. To me, sitting around and talking about things that won't be fixed by talking about it just seems like dwelling. Personally, I feel it is more effective to be quietly upset for thirty minutes and move on as opposed to talking about it for two hours, crying, and then moving on with still no closure to the issue in sight. I suppose not everyone can do that though, partially because recent society has gotten it into their heads that people give a shit about every single thing that crosses their mind when in reality that's why "listeners"—therapists—are still being employed in growing numbers. The average person you talk to won't give a shit that you're having a bad day because you spilled coffee on your blouse and it reminded you of your gang rape when you were fourteen, and blah-fucking-blah the list of trivial events that have nothing to do with each other that you just connected in your mind for some reason goes on and on. It never ends and unfortunately, and I wish everyone did, but no one cares.

     Rereading what I've already written, it honestly sounds like I need to talk to someone that will listen and truly express what's on my mind, but that's just what the instilled ideas that I haven't cleansed myself of yet are telling me I need to believe. I don't want to believe that I need other people to survive, so I don't.

     Or so I'd love to convince myself. If I really believed that I didn't need emotional human interaction, my tattoo wouldn't say what it does. I've always wanted to push through things on my own, that's a trait I was born with, despite all the encouragement to deal with shit on my own and keep quiet.