Wednesday, June 3, 2009


(Originally written on June 3rd, 2009. Posted to COSA18 on September 14th, 2009.)

I wish I knew what it felt like to be in normal love.

     My friends and I can gush over cute guys during countless sleepovers, but honestly that's not getting me anywhere but missing what I no longer have, and despite these guy's qualities and looks I think I know about, I wouldn't really date any of them. I apologize even though I shouldn't have to, but I am just human — I miss past loves. I'm not afraid to say that, I'm not going to deny the truth. It's only natural as loving beings. Granted not all the time, and especially only time to time, but nonetheless I do once in a while.

     I've only willingly fallen in love once, meaning I have only fallen in love once on my own time. Usually my relationships go: 1. falling in like 2. the asking of out, we start "officially" dating (because only one guy has ever taken me out on a real date; step up people geez) 3. they "love me" within a week, or in a particular case, that was their reason for why we should be together in the first place. It's a little ridiculous, and that's not comfortable at all.

     I guess I just don't really know where to go from here besides forward and not straight. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I'm usually not "OMG LUVZ" because I try to be as loveless as possible, and who knows why. Regardless of everything and everyone, you make me think "Wow," and I'm not going to lie, I love you still.

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