RIP Vincent Valentine 3/11/09

 (Originally written on March 12th, 2009. Posted to COSA18 on September 16th, 2009.)

     You've been sick for a long time.

     We tried everything, but guilt still pulls at me, and by instinct I am screaming blame within. I know deep down it's not my fault, or anyone's fault, but having someone to point the metaphorical blame finger at would make this all make sense.

     You were so young, only a few years. I still remember the day I got you. You were so tiny, and out of all the other geckos in your tank at PetLand, your tail was absolutely perfect. It was so long, I loved it. Your curious cat-like eyes grabbed me, and I knew you were the new friend I was gaining that day.

     I've always been scared to feed you because you ate crickets, but I remember sometimes I would feel bad because someone had forgotten to feed you for me. Despite all my fears, I put a few crickets in your cage myself, so you wouldn't be hungry.

     And now, well over a year later, you seemed to not want to eat at all. I thought maybe it was just the seasons changing, but I didn't remember you shying away from food that way. Every few times you've eaten in the past few months it's lifted a weight off my heart, knowing you're still hungry.

     But then you stopped opening your eyes. You just walked around with them closed, and stayed in the same position for over twelve hours until I moved you. I remember when the slightest tap on your cage woke you, and you came to nose my finger even though it was through glass. But lately you don't stir at even the loudest tap.

     You've passed now, and I'm crushed. I keep looking up at where your cage was (I couldn't stand to look at the empty cage anymore, so I moved it), expecting to see you looking back like you used to. But then it hits me again that you're really gone. I'll miss you more than anyone knows.

     Tomorrow I will bury you, and with you, your belongings. I'll miss how you sat on my shoulder, or curled up in my pocket to sleep. Or how just the other day when we were sitting outside you crawled towards me and into my pant leg to sleep. I'll miss you so much, I can't say it enough. No one will ever replace you. You'll always be special to me, you were the first lizard I've ever had.

     Kauvuo, Daddy, and I love you very much, Vincent Valentine.