Photographic Progression

     The other day I got to thinking about the date, and was surprised at how quickly January passed by. It always seems like the seasons are rushing into the next, just begging to collide for the ultimate collision of apocalypse.

     My dad always says, "After Thanksgiving, it's all over. It'll be my birthday right after that, then your birthdays... then repeat. Damn I'm getting old." His birthday is actually in March, but it appears in the blink of an eye. Just as my birthday does during the summer, and then my brother's not a month later. My dad is obviously being a little dramatic, but it sure feels like his saying holds truth.

     It's been over six months since I turned seventeen, and already so much has changed. It feels like I was in Myrtle Beach and Savannah just yesterday, how I desperately wish I was in Savannah right now with someone I love wasting my time away.

     On the other hand, it feels like I've been seventeen forever. All the events that have taken place are too many for a lifetime, let alone a couple of measly months. It hasn't even ended, so it's not like it's over. But this road hasn't forked yet either.

     When I look at photographs of myself, I'm not even sure exactly who I'm looking at. It looks like me in slight similarities, the resemblance might appear more obvious to outside opinions. When I look into the mirror in the present day, I see a tainted self. In older photos, I see the tiny brushstrokes of my horrors, rearing their ugly head in my pseudo-smiles, forced upon me. I didn't look at a single picture last night or this morning that didn't remind me of something dreadful.

     Not many of my friends have seen photographs of me when I was a child, purposely. I hadn't looked at them for years, I only recently got the courage to face the beginning of my becoming. It still hurts to see myself and wonder if the day a particular photo was taken, was one of the days I was ruthlessly conquered. I detach from the girl in the photographs, she was never Gloria Alexis until she became me. Still, I fervently feel sorry for her, and I wish that she hadn't suffered.

I don't look anything like I do the day I was born. I think it's weird my eyes were black, too, considering how light they are now. I've always heard that a lot of babies are born with light eyes that turn dark, but I've never heard of the opposite happening.

My dad and me, in 1992. (The year I was born.) I'm not sure how many months old I was.

My dad and me in 1993. I doubt I was even a year old.

1993, I was probably a year old by this point.

1994, almost two years old.

Guessing this was in 1995, I have no idea who's cat that is or who's house I'm in either. I'm going to guess I was two or three in this photo.

Likely in 1995, at three. That's my grandmother, also. I had put a band-aid on the car because I felt sorry for it, and someone took a photo.

This was during one of the years I attended preschool, I believe. I am not sure on the year or my age.

My graduation from preschool at Circle C Ranch, where my grandmother taught for years, in either 1996 or 1997. The certificate says, "For mastering age appropriate skills," which is sickening if pondered on cynically. Anyway, it's kind of funny to look at this photo and think of the year Antichrist Superstar was released (1996). Haha.

This photo had me laughing hysterically when I discovered it. I couldn't help but think, "Wow, so I've always thought evolution was cool!" As if this photograph couldn't show my obvious excitement for dinosaurs, I loved all things that had to do with animals, life, and volcanoes. I think this was the Christmas of 1996 or 1997.

1999, at my brother Kirk's first birthday party. My grandfather on my dad's side is next to me.

Assuming this was in 1999, on my driveway.

My brother Kirk and me in 2003, the year we moved to Orlando. I was eleven and in the sixth grade. (Yes, that is me in the reflection taking a photo of the framed photograph.)

 Dated, obviously.

Twelve and in the seventh grade, 2004. This was probably the absolute worst time period of my life because of how poorly equipped I was to deal with the going-on's. I obviously changed quite a bit in appearance from just a year before, it definitely reflected my attitude and how I was dealing with what was going on inside.

The first day of 8th grade, in August of 2005. I was thirteen, and had a slightly nicer haircut than the year before. Also, a bit more style, haha. (I still have that tie, it's awesome.)

February of 2006, in Ybor City with my friend Ashley (and mom, who took the photo). I was thirteen, and this was the night that I met my still best friend Dave. (Click here for a photo of that moment captured, it's one of my most cherished photos. Dave is the one in the back, next to me on the far left. The guy in the very front is also a close friend of mine that I met that night, Snowflake.)

June of 2006, I was thirteen, almost fourteen, and had shaven my eyebrows off. This was just days before I got my lip pierced.

October of 2006, I was fourteen.

May of 2007 at fourteen. This was one of the lowest points of my life because I lost my formal education, and I think the picture says it all though.

March of 2008, I was fifteen. Interestingly enough, after my lowest of lows, I reach the high end. Okay, end cheesy Manson references, but really this is when I truly started crafting myself instead of letting the world mold me. This picture is also a great example of what I meant earlier when I mentioned how strange it is that my eyes turned so light.

May of 2009, I was sixteen.

August of 2009, on vacation in Myrtle Beach. I had just turned seventeen a few days prior.

Later in August of 2009, seventeen still of course. This was the first step in my current "hair goal" process.

Yesterday. I'll be eighteen in less than six months.